I took a walk this morning, it’s takes about an hour to do my normal walk from the time I leave my house to the time I get back. This particular walk goes around a golf course and is usually pretty and peaceful, or at least it would be if I wasn’t walking as fast as my little legs will carry me, gotta lose weight. I normally like walking and that’s not to say that I didn’t like this morning’s walk, it felt good to actually have the time to do it, but I like to walk to clear my mind and this morning it just wasn’t working.
I find that I’ve got a lot of things on my mind, nothing that I want to go into here, but all these things going on in my head really weigh me down. I feel like I’ve gained 10 pounds just from all the things I have to think about. What’s worse is that I don’t know what to think about when, which one is less stressful to focus on, is that the best to focus on, or should I worry about the one that has more impact on my life and how do I know which one is more impactful and it’s not just me that I have to worry about. I have other people to be concerned with, people who rely on me and trust me to make sure that everything goes the way it should. And what if I screw that up?
Everything has gotten so confusing, so frustrating, so aggravating that I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I used to feel like I had a handle on things, I used to know what was going to happen. I had a clear idea of everything and it seems that in a very short period of time, all that I knew was thrown out the window and I have to relearn everything I already knew.
I’m apologizing now to everyone affected by the badness going on in my life. My moodiness, my crankiness, my seemingly bottomless pit of a stomach, the odd times that I don’t want to talk and anything else that seems uncharacteristic of me, or overly characteristic of me.
As I’ve been working on character bios for a large part of the day and am excited that I know what kind of car Jake drives, I find myself worried that I don’t know who Xander is. I gave him life as an unimportant character and now I have to make him live a full life. Just one more person who depends on me that I fear I will let down. Maybe I’ll take another walk…
Today’s question: Does the writer create the characters, or do the characters create the writer?
